Life Lessons Learned By Watching Oxygen All Day Sunday
Posted on August 19, 2008
So I decided, sort of on the spur of the moment, to braid my hair, so I needed something to watch for the entire span of time it would take. I decided on Oxygen so I could catch up on the last few episodes of “Tori and Dean” and because I saw there was a seven hour marathon of “Snapped!” coming up.
So from 10 am to 10 pm, here’s what I learned from watching Oxygen:
- Fellas, if you suspect your wife might be having an affair (even if you don’t), make sure your life insurance policy isn’t worth much or that she isn’t the beneficiary or you might find yourself on the other side of the dirt.
- According to Snapped, White women kill because they are having affairs and are over their husbands. But they don’t do it themselves, they find lovesick and/or greedy muthafuggas to do it for them. Black women kill because they’re angry (just been pushed that millimeter too far…)
- If you’re going to call 911 and report that your husband or boyfriend has been shot/stabbed/poisoned/whatever, don’t go into an explanation because apparently that raises suspicions with the cops. Also, if you’re on trial, make sure to look sad.
- I’ma need Linda Wagner to stop being so damn smug that she has a SleepNumber bed while I’m stuck with my spring coil mattress.
- Xian is gonna start trouble on “The Janice Dickinson Model Agency” (umm, I really don’t know who she is and I really don’t care…)
- Anne Hathaway stepped up and reclaimed that top girl crush spot in my heart with her Magnifique commercial.
- Whoever programmed the commercials was either very smart or very dumb to put a commercial for Bowflex talking smack about how diet plans ain’t s#!t right after a commercial for Nutrisystem.
It was all worth it though. Here’s the end result:
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“If you’re going to call 911 and report that your husband or boyfriend has been shot/stabbed/poisoned/whatever, don’t go into an explanation because apparently that raises suspicions with the cops. Also, if you’re on trial, make sure to look sad.”
This doesnt work for men. Who said its a mans world?