Are You Secure Within Yourself?

What does it mean to be secure? To me, it means that you enjoy yourself in life. You continually improve on your strengths and continually try to diminish your weaknesses. You understand that you have a place in this world and you excel if you have found it or you work toward it if you’re not quite there yet. You accept others as they are and offer help if they need and want it, but you also value that we need to have differences in this world to fill our lives  with varied and rich experiences.

Let me posit it to you in some other ways. If you’re secure in your:

• Sexuality - you don’t put down people of the opposite sexual orientation. Gay, straight, undecided. It’s hard enough finding another person to love without having to worry about if people disapprove of the sex of your partner.
• Religion - you don’t put down other religions. Your religion should make you whole, should comfort you in times of trouble, should be your divining rod in moral crises. How another person chooses to deal with this world, whichever deity another person chooses to worship should not affect you. No need to “discredit” other religions as wrong if you feel yours is right. Keep practicing and if anyone wants to know more about it or is wanting to convert, be the welcoming hand. Not the hand that shuns because their God sports an elephant trunk and yours sports a bearded man in a robe.
• Size - you don’t put down people who are significantly bigger or smaller than you… the terms “skinny bitch” or “fat whale” should not leave your mouth unless you are talking about a underweight female dog or, well, a whale who likes to indulge in penguin goodies way to often.
• Race/Culture – you don’t put down others’ race/culture/ethnicity. I’m Nigerian. Proudly Nigerian. I’m Black, proudly Black. Would I put down an Ethiopian? A Korean? An Indian? A Canadian? No, I figure as much as I love my culture and my heritage, I can learn a lot from other cultures. How can you rally against Mexican immigrants when just last week you chowed down on chimichangas and downed a strawberry margarita? How can you rally against Arabs when you ordered an extra side of hummus last month? I must be hungry right now!  But when we all borrow from each other’s cultures, who are we to say that cultures that are foreign to us are bad?
• Achievements - you don’t put down others’ achievements. What have you done with your life? Have you reached your potential? Are you trying to reach your potential? No? So why are you putting down someone else who has reached theirs or is progressing towards theirs? By stopping their progress, do you advance yours? By destroying their will to improve, will your will become bigger? If so, take a real look at yourself… you could be considered a parasite if you leech off of others and stop their growth in order to further yours? Instead, it’s better to work on yourself and if so inclined or able, help others along their path to their potential. Build. Do not destroy.

To be sure, it’s a hard thing to be 100% secure within yourself… but if you find yourself overwhelmed with insecurities and find that you are resorting to diminishing others in your mind, in your word, and in your deed to make yourself feel better, superior, what does that really solve? Are you making yourself better? Or not? Those insecurities still remain. You must deal with them before you can grow, before you can prosper, before you can help others.

What will you do today to become more secure?

Take a look at another perspective on being secure within yourself at OwlAsylum’s blog.

Where Are All The Normal Black People on TV?

Anyone who knows me probably knows that I’m a TV junkie. TV entertainment, it’s my getaway, my vicarious living, and the source of some of my knowledge about the world. A singular phrase uttered in the realm of a TV show can send me into a Google search in search of what it was about.

According to Nielsen Media, Black Americans account for approximately 13 percent of the over 100 million TV households in the U.S.  Black Americans (and Latino Americans) also “generally watch more television than other segments of the population”. Additionally “the African-American TV population is estimated to increase between 5-7% every five years. The largest percent increase will be between the years 2010 and 2015, increasing African-American TV households by 920,000 households. At this pace, African-American households will increase to 14% of total U.S. TV households by 2050″ (TV Audience Special Study: African-American Audience) .

What are we watching? What portrayals of ourselves do we see on television? And when others watch, how do they see us? In an overly generalized personal opinion, I see a lot of  the portrayals of Black Americans on television come mainly from reality show fare on VH-1 and BET, some of which is neutral and even positive, but most of which is negative. This is where much of America and the world get their perceptions of Black America from. Yes, there are plenty of supporting characters on network television that are Black. Two snaps for the networks. But I can only think of two current shows with majority Black casts (House of Payne on TBS, which I refuse to watch, and Lincoln Heights on ABC Family, which I have not yet had an opportunity to check out) but neither air on the major networks (that is, NBC, ABC, CBS and FOX).

Lincoln Heights is a TV show that features a predominately Black cast.

Let’s focus on Black portrayals in reality shows for a second. In this realm, Black Americans are usually only showcased and focused on if they are celebrities (Keisha Cole, Snoop Dogg, Deion Sanders) or if they are acting a fool for “love” or otherwise (Flavor of Love, I Love New York, For the Love of Ray J). Hmm. Seems like the only interest in Black people on reality shows is if they’re famous or if they are given or create opportunities to shame themselves.

Since we know that reality shows are quick and easy to churn out, it’s very likely that new reality shows will premiere on a regular and pervasive basis. So what about showcasing Black folk in “normal” situations? Is it not interesting enough to watch a Black family going through their day-to-day life? Where is the Black “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ (putting aside the recent controversy that has found that family for the moment)? I’m sure there’s a Black family out there who runs an architectural firm or a plumbing company or something that we could follow. Hell, there was a reality show that followed a family of tow truck drivers!! Well, normal Black people aren’t interesting enough, you say? The right editors could take my own boring existence and make you interested in it for a 30-minute time slot, ha ha.

And so if that hypothetical Black plumbing family got a show, by chance, what channel would they be on? Could a black-only or majority Black reality show make it onto the major networks? And again, I’m not talking about BET or TVOne or any specialty channels or targeted-audience channels; I mean mainstream channels that intend to cater to a mainstream audience?

Where is today’s Cosby Show? Good Times? The Jeffersons? Hanging with Mr. Cooper? Family Matters? New York Undercover? Living Single? Fresh Prince? Did all that die with the nineties? Are we in 2009 less open to see a “normal” Black family or “normal” Black people on TV than we were 10,15, 25, 30 years ago?

Cosby Show cast

Living Single cast

The Jeffersons cast

Black people… to all my folks with increased melanin in their skin… We consume the most media, we have a high amount of buying power (“total buying power expected to reach $1.1 trillion by 2012” according to The Nielsen Company) What are you doing to ensure that you see a more balanced and fair representation of yourself on television? I’m all for having Flavor of Love out there for me to shake my head at. But, where is its counterpart that I can raise my head high and feel the pride swelling in my chest about? Are you happy with the way you are represented on television? Is it accurate? If not, what do you think should be done to change that? Can anything be done to change it?

Tell me what you feel about this in the comments. Everyone, Black or not, is welcome to comment, but let’s keep things civil